Update: Thanks for all the advice guys. I did end up calling the desk sargeant for the local police department, and they strongly urged an officer to come and to talk to us. He heard our side, and then went to talk to the neighbors. Not sure what he said to them, but they were told their son isn’t allowed on our property anymore.
Funny little thing happened this evening, we got a welfare visit from animal control saying they got a complaint saying someone hadn’t seen our dogs in a while and they were “concernered.” (Even the officer came to the door with “I got a “weird’ complaint.”)
Funny thing is that our dogs are in our backyard all the time, including today. Sigh, not sure why some people need to retaliate rather than acknowledge their child is misbehaving.
If you missed yesterday’s story, you can read what is going on below. 
As I shared earlier in the year, my husband and I bought our first home together. We love the neighborhood, and absolutely love our house. There is one, quickly becoming major, problem with our little blissful cul-de-sac. There is a local bully.
You think being a homeschooling family that our children wouldn’t have to deal with bullies, but sadly you would be wrong. When we first moved into our complex every thing was hunky dory.
My children quickly became friends with, let’s call him, Samuel. He lives a few doors down from us, and attends a local private school.
He’s a few years younger than my son, but they seemed to enjoy playing together. That was until other children would come along. The child would gang up with his cousin and threaten to beat up my child, and at times would throw objects at him.
When it first started, we told my son to walk away, which amazingly he did. Every time things would get heated, he would let the bully know how he felt and then walk away.
We thought things were getting better because a few months passed and there were no events. Suddenly things began to get worse again. The child actually threatened to beat my child up, and then chase him down MY driveway. He then tried to force entry to MY home!
That was enough, I told my kids to do their best to avoid playing in the front yard. Whenever they had friends over, they played in OUR back yard.
That worked for a few weeks, until the bully got bored again! This time he took to throwing sticks and stones (literally) at my children in MY back yard. While doing this, he actually hit my friend’s car with a golf ball (which left a dent).
That was the final straw, I walked over to my neighbors home, and introduced myself and told his father what was done. There were 2 other children in my home that told the EXACT same story (we asked them all separately).
I thought things were going ok after that, the fact I told him I would call the cops if happened again, might have had something to do with it. Again, I was wrong!
Today we found out that the bully’s MOM told my son he had to go back inside because her son was outside first. I was so angry, that my eyes saw red. That’s not even the best part.
EVERY time we have talked to the bully’s parents, the bully has told them that our children hit/threw/swore first.
One thing I can guarantee you is that MY children know better. I may not be amazing at everything, but I am an amazing parents. I know when my kids lie, and I know when my kids are trying to pull the wool over my eyes.
What I cannot believe is that these parents are SOO dillusional that they are more comforted thinking that all the other kids in the neighborhood are liars.
I am at my wits ends, other than documenting every single incident that I personally see, what do I do. What would you do if it was your child?
About Ashley Sears
Oh, first off I am so sorry your kids are going through this. It is terrible! I honestly don’t know what I would do. But do keep documenting as you may end up having to bring this information to someone if it gets much more heated.
Can you try meeting the parents in a neutral place to talk? Somewhere off the street, without the kids? Its sometimes hard to really be truthful with yourself when you are right in the thick of things – especially if you are being dilusional, which they appear to be!
Good luck!
Ghada, Thanks for the words. Both times we have spoken to the parents we found out after the fact so there wasn’t a “situation” right then. So it boils down to the fact that his parents believe his lies, even though it’s obvious (via temper tantrums in their front yard) that they know he has issues. Sigh
thats ridiculous it sickens me to think there are children/parents like that but i guess thats the world we live in. i would hope my kids would be safe in my own yard. i guess my only advice since the obvious of talking to parents has not worked. maybe try to record an incident and show the other parent that in fact your child did not start this and that it is not fair that he cant play in his own yard without fear of harassment and if that doesnt work which it probably from the sounds of the situation i would go in to local police and get advice ask if there is anything they can do to help. You hate to have to doit but some situations cant be helped.
I’m sorry you are dealing with this as bullying should not even be a problem. Controversial or not, I teach my children that you do not bully and you do not lay a hand on another child… BUT if you are being bullied you are to tell the teacher. If nothing is done about it then if and when it happens again you beat the daylights out of them. Once again, I know some people won’t agree with me but I will NOT have my child depressed, thinking less of themselves, shooting up schools or committing suicide because some parents can’t seem to teach their child right from wrong.
Danielle, Not judging here lol. To each it’s own. Rather than teaching to fight, I have taught my kids to still stand tall and realize it’s the bully that has the problem not them. Thankfully our kids don’t let this affect their self esteem. It’s just hard that all the kids in the school the bully goes to want to only play with the bully if they have to choose.
If your kids like playing in YOUR front yard, let them. Then get a video camera and when you see this kid coming start recording, make sure it has sound. At first I would advise against letting the kid see you with the camera. It will show this kid is either trespassing on your property and is starting trouble without any provocation. Just make sure your kids know not to say anything to this kid and have them walk away after a few minutes.
If this kid tries this in your own BACKYARD then you have cause to call the cops, and I would. Just make sure you get the video first. Just writing down everything isn’t going to make much of an impact. Letting the kid, his parents and the cops know you have video proof of bullying should make them shape up (hopefully). The cops may ask for the video, make sure you make a few CD backups, just in case they conveniently “lose” what you gave them.
Getting a handle on bullying is a lot more complicated now than it was when I was a kid (70s and 80s). I was bullied by this one girl from Kindergarten to 11th grade, right up to the last day of school for that year. Normally, I would just walk away after picking up my books from the street, but on the last day she kept up her bullying and wouldn’t leave me alone. I finally had had enough, took my book bag and clocked her upside her head and dropped her in the street and then I went home.
I told my Mom what happened. She wasn’t happy about what I’d done, but she didn’t punish me either. The cops showed up about an hour later and asked what happened. My Mom let me handle the whole thing and in the middle of my story the girl and her Mom showed up at my house. Her Mom asked the cop if he was going to arrest me for assault and he said no and she flipped out on the cop. He said he would arrest her if she didn’t calm down.
The cop said that it was self defense because her daughter bullied me for so many years. Her Mom had the nerve to say that “none of this would have happened if you (my Mom) had taught me how to fight”. I just looked at her and said, “None of this would have happened if you had taught your daughter to be a lady instead of a bully.” She just “huffed” and dragged her daughter from our front yard.
I don’t advocate violence. I knew then that my Mom would never have gone after anyone on behalf of her kids. That’s not the type of Mom she is. She’s not the suing type either. I just knew that I had to take care of it myself. I will tell you that for my senior year in HS, no one picked on me or anyone of my friends. However, **I** am the type of Mom to go toe to toe with anyone for my kids. NO ONE messes with my kids and gets away with it. I don’t have a problem calling the cops or a lawyer.
Sorry this was so long. Bullying is a very hot topic for me.
Bless your heart. You’re right it’s not like when we were kids. I was bullied as well, but parents back then didn’t seem to be so absence. They KNEW when their kids were the bully, and weren’t afraid to do something. I let the kids try and resolve things on their own in a peaceful manner because I am not the type of parent to get involved in everything for my kids. Somethings they need to learn to handle, but I draw the line at physical harm.
I am glad your story had a happy ending. Like the mom of your bully, I don’t understand people. Especially those that think it’s always someone else’s fault!
“EVERY time we have talked to the bully’s parents, the bully has told them that our children hit/threw/swore first.”
Even if this were true (which I am sure it is not), the bully’s parents should not allow that to be an excuse for their own child’s behavior!!!
I am sorry you and your children are having to go through this…I think it may be best to call the police next time. The bully damaging property and stepping foot in your yard/driveway is worthy of getting the police involved.
Kecia, that is my point exactly. Even if my kids didn’t, which they KNOW better, why does that excuse property damage? Sheesh
WOW! Well first let me commend you on how well you handled that, because honestly, I wouldn’t have handled it that well. Documenting every single incident is fine, the fact that your children are basically prisoners in their own home is ridiculous. Have you spoken to other moms in the neighborhood? Has this happened to their kids? If so maybe suggest a letter and then signed by all the parents of the children and see if that may work. It may help the parents of this kid open their eyes. It may make them see that their “Samuel” isn’t an angel after all!
I’m actually surprised that I am giving this advice because honestly, if it was me, I would have gone over to that house and my Jersey Italian would have have come out in full force! Oy! I’m so sorry that you and the children are going through this. I honestly hope that it ends, and that it ends well.
Maria, Thanks for the compliment
Trust me I understand the “Jersey/Italian” thing. I am Irish, and can have quite the temper lol.
We did speak to the police last night, and he spoke to the parents so hopefully it will at least stop it. My kids aren’t going to talk or interact with the kid at all anymore, and hopefully they can resume their lives. You are right though, it is NUTS!
My grandaughter had the same problem with next door neighbor girl. A final talk with the parents resulted in the father accusing my grandaughter of beating up this child! If you knew my grandaughter you would know how laughable that was. I’ve seen this neighbor child in action, and she is quite deceitful and sly.
My daughter initiated a no-contact policy. My grandaughter does goes to a different school (thank goodness) and has many activities to involve her time, so she didn’t miss having a neighborhood friend. These girls were the only two girls the same age in the entire neighborhood, of course. Problem is solved — the family moved this summer, hurrah!
I am so glad to hear that Linda. There is NO way that Lily would beat someone up that is completely laughable. Some people are just awful!
I also think video recording might be helpful. I have a neighbor that has cameras on the front and back of his home, that are set off by motion. There have been several incidents in the neighborhood, that we were able to contact him and ask him to check his footage for that time, and check for vehicles passing and or suspicious characters.
J, Yeah I think that is where we are at. Our kids are old enough to stay home, but I don’t want them to not be able to play in their own backyard b/c he is throwing things again. This time we can catch him if we put a camera up.